SOCIAL MEDIA

Thursday, 19 July 2018

MY TINDER EXPERIENCE: 6 TIPS FOR FINDING LOVE ONLINE





In the past, online dating has been viewed as controversial method to find love. Times have changed drastically. PNAS (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America) have conducted multiple studies on online dating. Research indicates that 35% of relationships begin on the internet or dating app. Despite the evidence, the question remains – can you really find love online? Or is it meant for one-night stand fun? I am here to provide my online dating story and give you advice when it comes to our most beloved, online dating app – Tinder.





THE BEGINNING: REJECTIONS AND LONELINESS

Back in secondary school, I was young and na├»ve. When I glanced across corridors, witnessing ‘couples’ and their hands woven together – I knew that I wanted something like that. Of course, being a complete nerd, did not put me in the best books of boys. They were still developing teenagers, who weren’t mature enough to be in relationships that weren’t solely based on eating each-other’s faces 24/7. I was single for all of secondary school and quite desperate to find someone. 
Back in college, I’ve started volunteering in a charity shop and met this guy (who I thought was my soulmate). We shared a lot in common (at least I thought at the time). He was this meditation obsessed, planet-loving, social warrior. I remember when I invited him for a coffee, just to hear that he wasn’t interested in any relationships. That rejection busted my bubble and confidence. I thought to myself – now what do I do?  I cried for weeks and then decided to download Tinder.


CRINGE PICK UP LINES AND NAKED BITS 

When I downloaded Tinder, I did not know what to expect. So, for months, I swiped left and right, matched with some guys – and hoped that I won’t be seen as a lonely loser. Most conversations that I did not start myself, started with either cringe pick-up lines or naked bits that I did not want to see. Then I understood, why Tinder is viewed as such a f*ckboytopia. Instead of giving up on it, I continued trying: ‘There must be someone else like me, trying to find love on here’.  Long story short, I spent about 6 months on Tinder, and managed to get a 1 year and 6 months long relationship from it. How? Well, here are some of my Tinder tips.

Just the tip 



TIP NUMBER 1 – DON'T BE SHALLOW, REMEMBER PERSONALITY EXISTS

Around 6 months down the line of using Tinder, my finger and brain started to ache. I’ve recognised that swiping left and right and choosing guys based on their appearance – wasn’t the right way to approach Tinder for the reason I was using it. Although I checked every person’s bio, most of them were comprised of jokes and useless information. I thought that the best thing to do is to give everyone a chance. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but that eye may not be able to see the beauty inside. My strategy was to swipe right to 50 or so people in a day (I did not get that many matches anyway). It made me feel less appearance focused.



TIP NUMBER 2 – DISTANCE IS NOT EVERYTHING

When you download Tinder, you have a choice to select a mile radius for finding potential partners in that area. The trick is for finding more people, as well as avoiding awkward matches with people from school, college, university - set your mile radius to at least 30 miles. It’s most likely that either you or the person you match with drives. If he doesn’t there is always public transport. Don’t be limited by distance. Perhaps there is your love lurking in some weird town that you haven’t heard of before.



TIP NUMBER 3 – BE YOURSELF IN CONVERSATIONS

It’s tempting to pretend to be someone that you are not, especially on an online dating platform. You could become a professional horse rider, an avid video-gamer or a campaigner for the rights of badgers (while in real life, you are not into any of those things). Don’t pretend to like something, just to maintain a conversation. If you end up meeting with your potential lover, these lies will soon be out in the open. It’s much easier to just be chill, be you, be relaxed.



TIP NUMBER 4- CATCHING BAD PEOPLE EARLY

Okay so I will just define here what I mean by ‘bad people’. Basically, these individuals are those that you couldn’t be in long-relationship with and share the highs and lows of life. They are those people who chat about your appearance and body too much. Don’t bother with them. If they can’t communicate online without thinking solely about sex – you risk of becoming just a simple object to them. Good people are those who are interested in more than just your bra size.



TIP NUMBER 5 – MEETING IN THE REAL LIFE

If you have connected with someone on Tinder, approaching the real-life meet-up, would be the next stage. It’s your choice how long you spend communicating online (I have done this for about 2 months). Be sure that the person you are conversing with is actually real. Decide on a good public place – be it a shopping centre, a library or a coffee shop. Before you meet, don’t panic and most importantly don’t have high expectations. Sharabi and Caughlin (2017) surveyed 168 individuals about first dates. They found that most participants were left disappointed after the first date, due to their high expectations and idealisations. So don’t expect too much = don’t be disappointed.



TIP NUMBER 6 – JUST TAKE IT SLOW

Love is a complicated thing. It doesn’t happen over-night. Perhaps in the movies that you watch, people are quick to jump into each other’s arms after a day or two of dating. If you manage to bond and feel some sparks – good, just take it slow. There will be far more things that you will have to learn about the person. The bad habits, bad personality traits. Love comes with the acceptance of good and bad, so don’t rush to love someone before you get to know them properly.





So here we are, this was my Tinder experience story and some tips to help you find love online. In my point of you – yes, it is possible to find love on a shallow dating app. However, the success of this, depends of how you use the app itself. How did you start your relationships? What is your online dating experience? Please share your stories in the comments. Take care.  


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